The S Word
I think it’s finally time to change our perspective about the S word. The S word I am referring to is Selfish. Henceforth let’s hold this word in high esteem.
To do so, let’s start with a new definition:
Selfish– The perspective of self.
In other words, how you move, and experience life is all based on your perspective. You are seeing with your eyes, feeling with your emotions and touch, and tasting with your tongue. So, at what point did selfish become a bad concept? What happened in society and culture that it has become acceptable to believe that seeing things from your own perspective is wrong?
As a therapist, I frequently encounter individuals who exhaust themselves to the point of emotional and physical fatigue for the sake of others. It has even become expected to place your needs and wants aside and place others at the forefront.
Now before you become annoyed at this notion, let me be clear; there is nothing wrong with serving others. There are many who serve others, and it absolutely thrills them! Some find serving invigorating and often describe feeling happiest when they do serve others. This is what service is all about and is at the heart of being selfish! It is an invitation to have a sacred exchange between self-empowerment and service.
However, if you begin to feel like you’re becoming depleted little by little, task by task, that is your truest indicator that you are out of alignment in your service. That is your red flag.
I want to pause here and explain the job of a lifeguard. Don’t worry it will make sense, shortly…
Per Wikipedia, “A lifeguard is a rescuer who supervises the safety and rescue of swimmers, surfers, and other water sports participants…” In short, Lifeguards rescue others in need.
When lifeguards notice an individual in distress, they swim out to that person to save them from drowning. But, if the individual is panicking to the point that they are beginning to pull the lifeguard underwater, they must save themselves and swim away. If not, the person they are trained to rescue could place them in a compromising (sometimes life threatening) situation due to their panic and drown them. Yes, you read that correctly. The individual the lifeguard is attempting to save could drown them inadvertently. Therefore, the lifeguard must make quick decisions when activating the call to service.
Consequently, if the lifeguard must make the decision to remove themselves to prevent drowning, why aren’t you making the same decision with your wellbeing? Are you making the choice to remain exhausted? Are you ignoring the signs that you may be out of alignment?
Now you may be thinking, ‘What happens to the victim?’ or ‘Who’s going to help them if I don’t?’ Each are valid questions to think. The answer is the lifeguard doesn’t leave the victim helpless. In most circumstances, a floatation device is thrown in the direction of the individual with the expectation that the person in distress will grab onto it so that the lifeguard can pull them to safety.
So being selfish doesn’t mean you allow someone to “drown,” it just means you are allowing yourself a moment to align your heart with what you’re doing before taking action. In that alignment, you can perceive what is taking place and make necessary decisions with your wellbeing in the forefront. Being selfish means you are guarding your life thus being your own lifeguard!
There are many ways to work towards your alignment. Some options include having a good night’s rest, meditation, exercise, prayer, relaxation, social interaction, or even solitude. Moving forward, let’s save ourselves by embodying the idea of selfishness. In doing so you provide better service to those you love; you are more effective with your time and energy, and you are aligning with the highest version of yourself.
Written By,
Melonie Pinder, LMHC
References:
Lifeguard, “Wikipedia,” February 25th, 2023,