As we conclude Mental Health Awareness month, my hope is that you have started the conversation as it involves Mental Health and all of its nuances. So, what’s next? What if a friend or loved one expresses to you that they are depressed, or struggling with incessant sadness? It’s common that many may feel lost or simply not know how to respond to this admission. You are not alone; what I frequently hear is “I don’t know what to say?” or “Does this mean they are thinking of suicide?” or “I had no idea, how could I have not known?”

Before you begin beating yourself up, first know that all depression does not look the same. Many may think of Eeyore the grey stuffed donkey in the Winnie the Pooh series when the idea of depression comes to mind. And while, there may be some who present with all of the symptoms outwardly, others work hard to hide their symptoms. In fact, they may even have appeared to be the “life of the party” making it more difficult for people to even suspect that they are struggling with depression.  The truth is many who suffer with depression suffer in silence for a myriad of reasons. Thus asking the rhetorical question to yourself about signs missed, and possible breadcrumbs left will simply make you feel confused. Instead, focus on this fact: YOU KNOW NOW. So here are tips on how you can help now that you are aware…

First, don’t minimize their feelings of depression. It does not matter how successful, how much money someone may have, or what they may have going for themselves, depression does not discriminate by age, race, class, or gender. Such comments as “But you’re the most successful person I know” or “But you’re so attractive…” or my personal favorite “What do you have to be depressed about?” is not helpful. If they have disclosed their depression, the best thing you can do is listen to them and allow them to share.

Second, determine how they have been coping with their depression thus far. This questions is important because it can help you gauge whether or not they have been seeking help through a counselor, support group, a loved one, or if they are engaging in any potentially harmful activities to cope. Perhaps they have not been coping and have up to this point been “muscling through” each day, each hour, and each minute. The key is to listen for some form of a healthy coping mechanism and if they do not have one, recommend they seek the help of a therapist.

When dealing with depression, unless you are a trained clinician, it is not your job to somehow become their therapist because they have disclosed this deeply personal aspect of themselves to you. In fact, I encourage you to be their friend in that moment, listen and point them in the direction of professional help if they are not already seeking it. As their friend, you can offer to help them find one in their area. I frequently suggest www.psychologytoday.com as it offers one the opportunity to seek clinicians in their area as well as determine if they offer the preferred means of payment (whether through insurance or private pay). Another option is www.TalkSpace.com  or www.BetterHelp.com  for those whom would rather seek the assistance online (telehealth). However, help them find a provider, and follow up.

As a part of your follow up, make sure the appointment is made, check in that they go to the appointment, and lastly encourage them to stick with the therapy process. It is indeed a process. There is no magic wand to rid one of depression; it takes work and time with a trusted professional. So encourage them to trust the process. If they do not vibe with their therapist, it’s okay for them to find another one. Finding a good therapist can be like dating, it may take a few tries before you find The One.

Lastly, offer them a key resource before the conversation comes to a close, and that is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255.) There are clinicians available to speak 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to anyone who has thoughts or plans for suicide. While you may not feel comfortable broaching the subject, understand, thoughts/ideations of suicide are one of the symptoms of depression. Offering them a resource should in case this thought is becoming more of a plan may save their life. If you feel as though a plan is imminent, dial 9-1-1 immediately.

If you or someone you know is thinking of suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255 or visit http://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ for more information.

Written By,

Melonie Pinder, LMHC